My last post was on May 5th I believe! I can't believe its been almost a month since I've written anything. That just goes to show you how intense school has been for me. I'm sure no one is missing my boring posts but for the moment, it feels good to release the past month into words.
As for school, as of this VERY moment I am passing all of my classess. I am right on the line (just over) in most of them, which means it will all come down to my final exams in 2 weeks. I am still holding out hope that I can make this happen and end up becoming a SECOND term Nursing student!! thats the goal anyways. Today was our last day of clinicals at the hospital for the quarter and after 8 weeks there, it was a little tough to say goodbye.....but also very relieving. Every day I showed up there I was nervous, throughout my time there I did eventually begin to get the hang of things. I had the BEST clinical instructor EVER....Thank you Emily! she really taught me SO much and I am so glad she was my first for clinical rounds. I've seen and learned a lot these past 8 weeks at St. Joseph's Mercy Oakland Pontiac - Unit 4G (SJMO). Our unit was a medical Oncology unit so I had many patients who were either undergoing treatment for cancer or were in their final moments with Mercy Hospice Care. I think I saw the entire gammet of cancer treatment. We had a patient that was 2 days from the discovery of a brain tumor, I personally had 3 patients that were undergoing current chemotherapy and/or radiation, I have had 2 patients that were in remission and 1 patient that sadly died at the end of my shift. I believe this was a good experience for me being on a Med Onc unit first time around because it was a test of who I am really am inside and if I can really work with cancer patients.
As for my personal life, things have been ok. I still have my terriby sad moments when I think about Boo and everything we went through. I think about all the sacrafices we (and he mostly) had to make. I think about all the laughter we shared and the special love that was only ours. I think about his smile and he always could turn my bad days around. I will always think of him and miss him. I am grateful to his famliy for taking care of me. His mom and Kirk in particular have really been there for me these past few weeks and I will be forever grateful.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Sinking ship..........
Yesterday we got our midterm grades for school. My Nursing Fundamentals class: I'm failing with a 77%, my health assessment class: I'm currently getting an 89% (which I'm happy with). I was so upset when I got my Fundamentals grade which came along with an email from my teacher saying that I needed to meet with her about my chances of passing. I did some figuring on my own and determined that I can only miss 22 more points from now till the end in order to pass with an 84%. What really hurt me was this last exam. It just so happened that I had to move the weekend before and didn't get a chance to study like I should have.
They told us when we started the program that we needed to say "goodbye" to our lives, meaning that nothing else could matter while in school. The problem I'm having with that is that life is still happening around me. With Brett's death and the move.....those are things I can't control. I had no choice but to move when I did because I couldn't afford my rent. I had no choice. That exam grade REALLY hurt my overall grade and I feel that's what has put me in this position.
I'm so stressed, sad and overwhelmed. If I do fail Fundamentals I have to re-apply to the program all over again (for the third time) to re-start in the Fall. They only take a select group of repeats so I'd be competing with the others from my class that are in the same boat as me.
I hate this.
They told us when we started the program that we needed to say "goodbye" to our lives, meaning that nothing else could matter while in school. The problem I'm having with that is that life is still happening around me. With Brett's death and the move.....those are things I can't control. I had no choice but to move when I did because I couldn't afford my rent. I had no choice. That exam grade REALLY hurt my overall grade and I feel that's what has put me in this position.
I'm so stressed, sad and overwhelmed. If I do fail Fundamentals I have to re-apply to the program all over again (for the third time) to re-start in the Fall. They only take a select group of repeats so I'd be competing with the others from my class that are in the same boat as me.
I hate this.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
All moved and back online....
Its been quite a while since I've written. That's do to the fact that I've been moving.....as I sit here now, I am all moved into my new apartment and back online as of about an hour ago. I moved on May 1st and 2nd. The first 2 nights here I was so sad because I felt like I left my home behind. The only "good" thing is that I don't have to drive by my old place. I now live right in the front of my complex where before I lived off the main road (my apartment faced the main drive of our complex). I basically turn into the complex and right into my apartment now. I do glance down the street everytime I go to leave and I can just barely see our old place. I know they've been in there because the blinds are pulled up and all the lights are on. It devestates me that I had to move but it just simply wasn't possible for me to stay. I'm saving $300/month rent at this place vs the other. I still don't have a job so I don't even know how I'm going to pay THIS rent so I sure as hell wouldn't have been able to pay the previous rent.
Its just sad to me because this place feels so small and foreign to me. I miss our HOME......it felt like the final piece of the puzzle to Brett's death. Like now everything was really over. When I still lived at our old apartment, I felt like I was holding onto everything....now it feels gone. It's hard to explain but its getting a little better as the days go on. I just need to adjust to the new place. I've been so incrediblly busy with school that I haven't unpacked a single box.......that, I'm sure will help as well. I hope. This is the third apartment I've lived in at Ashgrove Apartments. We moved here (on Dogwood...our first place, a one bedroom like the one I'm in now) a week before we got married. Then in 2008 we moved into our 2 bedroom which was very exciting for us because it gave us 350 more square feet!! now.....I'm here, back to a one bedroom. It's strange to still live in the same complex after all these years but its convient for me and overall I DO like the place. I've got so many memories here both happy and sad. I said goodbye to my neighboors who all knew about Brett's death because they were home when the ambulance came that day and when I got home from the hospital. I will miss them. Here, I don't know anyone who lives around me (except my mom lives one street over). I have to get used to the sounds, sights and feelings that come with this new "home".
Its just sad to me because this place feels so small and foreign to me. I miss our HOME......it felt like the final piece of the puzzle to Brett's death. Like now everything was really over. When I still lived at our old apartment, I felt like I was holding onto everything....now it feels gone. It's hard to explain but its getting a little better as the days go on. I just need to adjust to the new place. I've been so incrediblly busy with school that I haven't unpacked a single box.......that, I'm sure will help as well. I hope. This is the third apartment I've lived in at Ashgrove Apartments. We moved here (on Dogwood...our first place, a one bedroom like the one I'm in now) a week before we got married. Then in 2008 we moved into our 2 bedroom which was very exciting for us because it gave us 350 more square feet!! now.....I'm here, back to a one bedroom. It's strange to still live in the same complex after all these years but its convient for me and overall I DO like the place. I've got so many memories here both happy and sad. I said goodbye to my neighboors who all knew about Brett's death because they were home when the ambulance came that day and when I got home from the hospital. I will miss them. Here, I don't know anyone who lives around me (except my mom lives one street over). I have to get used to the sounds, sights and feelings that come with this new "home".
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