Its been quite a while since I've written. That's do to the fact that I've been moving.....as I sit here now, I am all moved into my new apartment and back online as of about an hour ago. I moved on May 1st and 2nd. The first 2 nights here I was so sad because I felt like I left my home behind. The only "good" thing is that I don't have to drive by my old place. I now live right in the front of my complex where before I lived off the main road (my apartment faced the main drive of our complex). I basically turn into the complex and right into my apartment now. I do glance down the street everytime I go to leave and I can just barely see our old place. I know they've been in there because the blinds are pulled up and all the lights are on. It devestates me that I had to move but it just simply wasn't possible for me to stay. I'm saving $300/month rent at this place vs the other. I still don't have a job so I don't even know how I'm going to pay THIS rent so I sure as hell wouldn't have been able to pay the previous rent.
Its just sad to me because this place feels so small and foreign to me. I miss our HOME......it felt like the final piece of the puzzle to Brett's death. Like now everything was really over. When I still lived at our old apartment, I felt like I was holding onto everything....now it feels gone. It's hard to explain but its getting a little better as the days go on. I just need to adjust to the new place. I've been so incrediblly busy with school that I haven't unpacked a single box.......that, I'm sure will help as well. I hope. This is the third apartment I've lived in at Ashgrove Apartments. We moved here (on Dogwood...our first place, a one bedroom like the one I'm in now) a week before we got married. Then in 2008 we moved into our 2 bedroom which was very exciting for us because it gave us 350 more square feet!! now.....I'm here, back to a one bedroom. It's strange to still live in the same complex after all these years but its convient for me and overall I DO like the place. I've got so many memories here both happy and sad. I said goodbye to my neighboors who all knew about Brett's death because they were home when the ambulance came that day and when I got home from the hospital. I will miss them. Here, I don't know anyone who lives around me (except my mom lives one street over). I have to get used to the sounds, sights and feelings that come with this new "home".
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