Yesterday, on Independence Day, My brother in law Kirk and I took a road trip up to Mount Pleasant and took some of Brett with us. I have been sitting here for 3 months knowing that my poor husband is sitting the top of the closet "waiting" to be scattered. When Brett and I would talk about what he wanted done with his ashes, he would say to me "put them where ever you want to, just make sure some are up north with my family". I pondered this concept very much since he's passed, all I EVER wanted to do for him was the right thing. I always wanted to make him happy, his happiness was everything to me. I suppose, looking back I may have gotten a little caught up in taking care of him but that was the life I knew as his wife. I loved him ENOUGH to stand by his side and take care of him when he needed me. So when it came to deciding on his final resting place/places......this is what I have decided:
For me, I wanted him to be in Mount Pleasant. Late August 1999, I met was introuduced to him by my current boyfriend. As I've stated many times, there was an immediate spark between us. Obviously it had to remain a friendship for sometime because I was otherwise involved. I took some of his ashes to the grassy spot right underneath the widows of our old door rooms. Herrig Hall rooms 118 (mine) and 119 (his). Right at the end of the hall where him and I could sneak down the stairs and have a cigerette at all hours of the night. The fun times we ALL had in those 2 door rooms was amazing!! I have SO many good memories of water fights, Las nights and Brett's loud laugh annoying us through our concrete walls! I remember yelling at him once through the wall as loud as I can "shut up, we're trying to sleep" to which he replied "kiss my ass" and laughed louder. Gotta love him! In my dorm room was where he told me that he loved me for the first time. We had been dating for about a month and he said (all adorable and such) that he had something to tell me......than he says "I know its only been a month but I feel like I love you". Of course I agreed with him and felt the same. We had a connection I simply cannot explain. As I stood on the grass under the windows I smiled because I knew that now he would always lay outside our rooms.
The next place we took him was to the library. When I met him he had gotten offered a job at the library and because he absolutley hated his Subway job, he jumped on it. At the time the library was held in Finch Fieldhouse and was a "disaster pit of hell" (as he called it). There were trying to get funding for the new library but the funds needed exceeded 120 million dollars. Finally they got funding and I remember making fun of Brett because he was so excited the day they broke ground on the new building. He worked at the reference desk and loved every second of it. Kirk said today maybe it was because he was surrounded by all those books, and that really stuck with me because he's right! Brett loved to read, he loved fiction and fantasy lands. I loved that side of him, the creative side. Taking him to the library meant so much to me because I KNEW for a fact he would be so happy to now be a part of the landscape, I know that would have made him so happy.
After the library it was off to our old apartment at the Forum, B105. That was our very first place together, we actually signed the lease as friends with Jenn. I remember the day we moved in and he wanted to take pictures. I still have one of him sneaking around the kitchen with his middle finger up but a big bright smile of his face. He was "evading" the camera but being a ham all at the same time. We lived at the Forum apartment from 2000-2001. So many life changing things happened to us there. We literally survived on less than $400/month. Brett had paid up his rent with his financial aide so his rent was paid for but I couldnt find and/or keep work so we struggled very much there. We fought a lot there and even broke up for 2 weeks. He started to get sick there. I remember when we came back from Christmas break he had this horrible back ache and a low grade fever, that was the start of everything. I had mixed feelings about being at the Forum. But I felt like it was a true turning point for us. We had to decided how worth it our relationship was because we were getting everything thrown in our faces, life was kicking our ass. It tested us. Once Brett was diagnosed on June 25, 2001 absolutley everything changed. We both quit school and moved home. He was in full blown treatment by mid-July. Not only did our location change, our relationship changed as well. His diagnosis put into perspective that nothing else mattered. As long as we had each other, nothing else mattered. And so the fight began..............
I am so glad we took him up there and I thank Kirk from the bottom of my heart for being there with me. One strange thing did happen to us that I have to share. We sat in a parking lot watching the Soaring Eagle fireworks (I insisted we go because I wanted to see some damn fireworks). Kirk had his iPod playing and the guitarist Joe Satriani came on and all of a sudden the fireworks and the music matched perfectly. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen....almost like Brett was with us and saying "thanks for bringing me here guys". It was so cool, and a bonding moment for Kirk and I. I am so glad that I still have Brett's brothers, who feel like they're my own.
It was a special day thats for sure.
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