Christmas.......uh huh

I logged in today and was flabbergasted by how long it's been since I've written.  I starting thinking the other day that I would possibly start writing again and today (whats better than Christmas Day) is the day.

I won't go into great detail about where I've been for the past 5 months but in a nutshell, here it is.  I have been going to school and working.  Unfortunately I ended up having to retake this quarter (med/surg) due to the fact that I had to miss 2 clinical days.  I am happy now that I am getting a chance to retake the class and am thrilled that my best nursing buddies are with me :D. When I'm not in school, I'm working.  I've been trying to work as much as possible just to "attempt" to keep my  head somewhat above water.  I never realized how hard it is to make it on your own.....this is the FIRST time in my life I've been completely on my own so it's been quite an adjustment for me.  I've been struggling financially that's for sure and am currently just concerned with keeping a roof over my head.  Two days ago my boss informed me that they had no more work for me and I was being laid off......not good timing.

This was by far the strangest and most upsetting Christmas time I've ever had.  I have loved Christmas so much since as long as I can remember.  I always performed throughout school in show choir so Christmas was a big time of year for me.  Brett and I always made our holidays special and this year was definitely tough not having him here with me.  For the first time ever I made the decision to "ignore" Christmas.  I didn't decorate, I didn't shop, I listen to Christmas music....nothing.  I just couldn't handle it what so ever....so I chose not to deal with it at all.  Probably not my finest moment...but a defense mechanism none the less. Kirk (we'll get into him later) came over last night which was nice since he hasn't been over in months.  That was something that really made me smile.....he actually came over :).  Today I went over to his house to have dinner with Pam and him.  It ended up being really nice....I didn't stay long but they both got me gifts (pleasantly unexpected) and we had a great meal.  I'm glad I "broke down my wall" (as Lisa would have put it) and went over there.

I'm too exhausted to write much more.  I really wanted to put together a Christmas through the ages photo show in this blog but I couldn't find the CD with all my pictures on it.  I suppose I'll save that for another time. I miss Brett from the bottom of my heart today and everyday. 

Merry Christmas