Hello, Goodbye

Today is the first day of a brand new year...2011.  I can still remember clearly the turn of the year 2000, its amazing how fast the years go. We have entered a new decade and I truly hope it's a good one for everyone.  The past decade has been such a struggle for me but I am going to try to look forward and see the good in life ahead and the possibility of change in the right direction.


The thing that trips me out of the most about the New Year is the fact that March is right around the corner....meaning that Brett will have been gone for a year.  For some reason that keeps sticking in my head and I keep pondering over that fact.  It seems so sureal to me how much my life has changed since he passed away.  That part never gets easier.....how literally overnight every single thing in life can flip upside down. I go back to it everytime but it's almost like it happened in slow motion. For some reason I have this vivid view of myself lying in bed the night before everything happened.  I can see myself getting frustrated with the damn cable going in and out while I was trying to watch my scrap booking show I had on DVR.  I still remember the last "goodnight kiss" Brett gave me that night.  As I gave him a hug and a kiss like every other night...he tucked me in....and that ended up being the last time. It's so strange how a seeminly regular night sticks in my mind so much. 


I cannot describe the emotional rollar coaster I've been on since he died.  Some days I can't get him out of my head.  Our old apartment stands like a fricking time capsule since I moved out.  Sometimes I have to drive right by it because my mom lives in the back of the complex.  I have no idea why it hasn't been rented out.  I see the fake snow I put on the windows last Christmas.  There are NO words that can express how stuff like that makes me feel.  Then there are some days when I feel strong and I feel like Brett is standing by me and I know everything will work out ok. I'm not sure I will ever stop loving him.  That man changed everything about me and our relationship was special (sounds cliche but it was).  I was blessed to have him in my life. Ok this is making me sad so I'm heading to bed!


Here's to a good year for all!