So as I opened this blog which has been tucked away in the recesses of my mind...I could not believe its been so long since I've posted. I find writing cathartic and I have been journaling on and off but I really want to get back into blogging again. So here goes!
I really should be sleeping because I have a ginormous history final exam at 9am in the morning. No more nursing classes for me :( unfortunately I did not make it through the nursing program. In December of last year I found out that I "failed" one of my classes by 3 points. Yup 3 points determined my future. I received an 83% in a class that required an 84% to move on in the program. So on the day before my 33rd birthday I had my meeting with the program directors and was officially dismissed from the nursing program I had been working for 5 years to get through.  Next to the day I lost my husband and my daddy, that was one of the hardest days of my life. I will never forget driving home from the meeting that day with tears streaming from my face. I was devastated to put it mildly. I still have harsh feelings about the whole thing but I cannot focus on it. I have to move forward (story of my life!). So as of right now I am finishing up my Bachelor's Degree of Health care Administration (graduating in January of 2013) and then going to work on getting a BSN through an accelerated second degree program at Oakland University! I will still become a nurse one day!

Quick update on some other things....I was laid off from my job of 8 years in December of 2010 which led to me eventually losing my apartment last summer. THANKFULLY I have amazing in-laws and they took me in because I literally had nowhere else to go. I do not have any family other than my mother (that is a strained relationship these days) so I cannot stress how grateful I am to have Brett's mom and brother who allowed me and my 2 dogs to move into their house last June. I honestly do not know where I would be without them.

As for how I am dealing with this whole widowhood thing......I still have my moments. Brett has been gone 2 years and almost 3 months. I think of him almost everyday and I can truly say I have been changed forever. I will never EVER be the same person again. The day he died a literal piece of me died as well and there is nothing I can do to change that. There are days I feel alone, there are days I feel thankful, there are days I lose hope, there are days I am laughing on the inside with memories but everyday no matter what is going on....he remains in my heart.  I still say that I am one of the lucky ones because I had an amazing man who truly loved me and I had a very happy marriage even with the cancer and struggles.  Brett will always be my hero <3